i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
