I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
