You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
