The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
