After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
