You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
two words: eviction party
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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