Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
