Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
