I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
