Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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