she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
