you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
