Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
