So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't deserve a penis
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
