never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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