Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
