idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
