he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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