i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dick very happy bro
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
