I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
