I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
