So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
