What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
