Im at strip club and am horny
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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