Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Found your dick twin last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
