No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
