I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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