Its about making memories worth repressing
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
