she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
