i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
