thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
