'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
