did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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