I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
