Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
