I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
