I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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