I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
