Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think people are normalizing furries
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
