I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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