he told me I talked like a deaf person
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
