Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
