I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
