Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
