Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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