I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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