Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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