8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
