Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
