My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
