There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
