Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
