$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize