If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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