He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
