Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Who died my cat blue again?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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