you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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