hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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