Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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