This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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