My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
