weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
