My cat gives me a boner
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
