yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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