Duck Duck Cougar?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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