you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
