My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
