so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
