just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
