after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
