Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I want is dick and wine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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