He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
