i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize