I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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