so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
