Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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