I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
