Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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