you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
